首页 -> 2006年第21期

莫辜负时光

作者:贝斯·威廉姆斯 



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   译/张霄峰
  
   曾祖父的葬礼激发了我首次关于死亡的思考。“我们无法阻止命运,”父亲睿智地回答了我对死亡的忧虑,“我们惟一能做的,是在有生之日不要辜负每一刻。”
   不要辜负每一刻。就像守护天使一样,这句话从那天起一直守护着我,在焦虑的时候给我安宁,在脆弱的时刻给我力量和勇气。
   五年后的今天,我站在中学舞会上,周围是七嘴八舌的一群女孩。当前的话题是新来的澳大利亚交换学生,可爱的杰森。快歌的隆隆打击声突然停下,一曲慢歌充溢了喧闹的体育馆。我们的目光再次投向体育馆对面——杰森正站在一群朋友中。但是周围所有的女孩们都打定主意,宁可整夜坐在看台上,也不愿冒被拒绝的风险。但是我决定直面挑战。
   “我去邀请他。”我勇气十足地说着,转身向体育馆对面走去。穿过体育馆的路仿佛没有尽头,我感觉得到朋友们的注视像烈火烧灼在背上。转眼我就到了。我轻轻地拍拍杰森的肩忸怩地开口:“嗨,嗯,请你跳支舞好吗?”
   沉默。他的眼睛睁大了一些,看得出脑子里正寻找借口。最后他回答:“实际上,嗯……我没打算跳这支舞。”
   这句话是粉碎性的打击。但我装出无所谓的样子,平静地答道:“没关系。”在他道歉之前,我已经转过身,轻快地走回看台。
   在我的生命中有成功也有失败,但是不会有遗憾,因为我知道,我不曾辜负生命中的每一刻,为了成功有时必须承受失败。与其虚度整个舞会的时间,冒一下被拒绝的风险对我更有吸引力。我没有辜负这一段时光。
   几分钟后,另一支舞曲响起,令人惊讶的是杰森正朝我走来。
   “嗨,愿意和我跳下一支慢舞吗?”他腼腆地问。
   我的手激动得有些发抖。“好,好极了。”我答以胜利的微笑。
   夜才刚刚开始。
  
  The funeral of my great-grandfather had spurred my first thought on the subject of death. “There’s nothing we can do to prevent our fate,” my father replied knowingly to my concerns about dying. “All we can do is to make each moment count while we are alive.”
  Make each moment count. Like a guardian angel, these words have guided me from that day on. They have calmed me when I am nervous. They have given me strength and courage when I am weak.
  Now, five years later, I stand in a cluster of gossiping girls at our middle school dance. The current subject is the adorable new exchange student from Australia, named Jason.Suddenly the booming beat of the fast song stops and a slower rhythm fills the bustling gym. Our gazes once again shift to the other side of the gym, where Jason is standing with a group of his friends. All of the girls surrounding me decide that they would rather sit on the bleachers the rest of the night than risk rejection.I, however, decide to face the challenge.
  “I’ll ask him.” I reply courageously, and I turn to walk across the gym. The walk across the gym seems endless. I can feel my friends’ gazes burning my back. Suddenly I am there. I tap Jason lightly on the shoulder and say timidly, “Hi, uh, would you like to dance with me?”
  Silence. His eyes widen slightly and I can see his brain searching to find an excuse.Finally he answers, “Actually, uh, I was kinda planning on sitting this one out.”
  The words are shattering. Calmly I reply, as if unaffected by this answer, “That's all right.” I turn away before he can utter an apology and walk briskly back to the bleachers.
  Throughout my life there will be victories and defeats. There will not, however, be regrets, because I will know that I have made each moment count. Sometimes it takes a defeat to create a victory. Taking the risk of rejection was more appealing than wasting the whole dance wondering what would have happened.I made those moments count.
  After a few minutes, another rhythm sounds up. To my surprise, Jason is coming my way.
  “Hey, I was wondering if you would like to dance with me during the next slow song?” he asks sheepishly.
  My hands are shaking slightly. “Yeah, that would be great,” I reply with a winning smile.
  The night is definitely still young.